Updated: Mar 9, 2019
And so he wrote me,
My dear love,
My heart is filled with love and purity. I can feel it flowing outwards towards you, towards the world, towards the future.
This journey we have been on was one of a kind. One that can not be repeated, that can not be copied and will live only in both our minds, hearts, and memories.
When I came to Bali, I was envisioning that. I was envisioning being with you, taking on this journey together, loving you in the deepest ways, and building together. That desire has become reality. We lived, loved, created. We were the beauty in itself.
I had this desire to take you by the hand and say: come and travel with me. Come and live with me. Come and open a coliving space with me. Come and let's live in Goa for a while, do a Vipassana together, and surrender to the unknown. That desire is still within me, and you should know that.
But my intuition told me not to say it. It said that it won't be a solution. It said it will be an escape. And that we are not ready yet. That it would make us more dependent than free. That the freedom we're seeking needs to first be found in ourselves, so that we're able to freely decide to be together - to make this decision together, that this drive is coming from both of us, and not one-sidedly.
I love you. I love the time I spent with you. I love the gifts you brought into my life. And I also acknowledge that paths we are on, individually. And that my intuition, wisdom, heart, tells me that having you with me would be selfish - that it wouldn't serve you, and hence wouldn't serve me. That it would not be a solution for us, because we are not ready yet.
I wish we were. But that, too, is just my desire - a truly personal desire, that is in conflict with what the world has been telling us those last weeks. A desire I and you couldn't bring into reality yet. Or at least, that left our reality.
I want you. I want to be with you. I want to feel your kisses, wake up next to your Goddessness in the morning, change the world with you, feel your love, feel the collective power, and being in our best states. I truly want it.
Whatever good and bad we went through, it serves a purpose. Namely, to get closer to our true selves. And we should take the path that brings us towards this outcome. Because that's our calling, here on earth, in our short little human lifetime, to learn to be love, purely and freely.
So if you leave, I will miss you. But I will support you. I will have no regrets. Because I truly, truly love you for who you are - and because you deserve everything that is needed for you in this world.
Je t'aime. Profoundly.
And with that, I packed up and left to continue my journey forward.