I never once asked him to hold space for me. To allow me to express my emotions without him reacting. So when I would react, he would respond with his own reaction. And soon we were both in reactive emotional states, not truly hearing each other out.
Does this situation sound familiar? You are triggered by a situation, you express how you are feeling, maybe making the other person feel defensive. The other person starts reacting. Blame gets involved. Anger makes his appearance. Fear takes the stage. And suddenly the dress you asked an opinion on is now the trigger of a consistent argument that seems to keep circling back around.
It doesn't have to be this way. When you ask your partner to hold space for you, it releases any reaction. Their main task is to allow you to express freely, feeling safe, knowing that there won't be a reaction at the end. The person holding space listens from a completely objective perspective, looking for where the trigger could be sourced from. Asking questions to go deeper without judgement. Approaching the situation with curiosity and a growth mindset without taking the situation personally.
If your emotions are a reaction to the external environment, what is the source of where they are coming from? The trigger is just a manifestation of something deeper. And can you ask someone to hold space for you to search and dig deeper? When you realize that everything another person says or does creates a response inside of you and your reaction is based on a learned behavior, life becomes a place of growth and curiosity. It is no longer a place of emotional outbursts and arguments.
Where can you ask someone to hold space for you in your life?