This past weekend taught me the importance of tuning into intuition and using those moments as discernment for what to pay attention to. All I would heard was what was essential for my story. It wasn't selfish. It was divine.
It was divinely perfect. All of it.
We took out the jetski and lit the joint. Within seconds I knew that one hit was more than enough and within minutes we were hitting waves full on, no inhibitions. Out of a moment of divinity, flying through the air, jetski full throttle, we ripped out the emergency cord attached to our wrist and before I knew it we were both in the water. We lost complete control of the jetski and ourselves. Oddly, my soul knew I was safe. My ego wasn’t scared. I trusted so deeply that it was going to be okay. It was the exact same feeling that I had while I was flying down the backroads of Bali on my motor scooter; I hit some rocks and flew into the corn fields over the handles of my cycle. I knew I was safe. I trusted and had no fear. I was in a focused flow state of awareness. My ego trusted in my soul in that moment.
The swim back to the jetski seemed to take forever and, all the while, thoughts swarmed my spirit around how ego relates to soul. Why wasn’t I scared? How deeply did I trust? What was I trusting? Where did fear and safety come from? I was in a situation of actual danger where my ego should’ve kicked in, but in that moment, my soul trusted that I was okay. I spent the rest of the day in what felt like a death of ego. I sat in one place for hours and wrote about my relationship to intuition on the back of paper plates. Every so often I would tune into a conversation, the music lyrics, the empty space around me, and without fail every time I tuned in, I received the words to fill the exact thought I was writing on my plate. How was that possible? That every person sat down at the exact moment necessary to give me a clue to my story. I had total discernment around what to pay attention to. Total intuitive guidance around what was part of my journey. I wasn’t searching for the answers to anything. They just came. The questions were in the back of my mind subconsciously and the answers flooded out onto my paper plate in divine time. 4 hours later I had 6 plates full. How beautiful life can be when we tune into the perfection of divine guidance. Do we really have it all inside? It depends how you define “inside” but in the most simple form, yes, we do. The cells that make up our bodies use the same patterns that make up the universe and the same patterns that make up humanity. Expanded and contracted, we are the entire universe.
Earlier that day I was going a flip off the second story of the dock into the water and I had fear. My mind came in in that moment where I knew I would be okay. I had done it hundreds of times and there was no actual reason to fear jumping into water with tons of people around. It was an interesting paradox. How could I feel so unsafe in that moment and so safe in a moment of actual danger. It was the perfect place to start this experience. From a place of ego death. I no longer felt fear. It dissipated. And i could clearly see all of my inhibitions and areas of opportunity. Why was I so scared to be seen? My message wasn’t super clear and I wasn’t embodying my message. That is one reason. I was fearing the comparison from others. I was fearing not being enough. But now I realize I am enough. I felt something extraordinary. And I want to keep experiencing and sharing this with others. This is so essential. The next 8 hours, I went through a journey of discovery. Discovering my path. Listening to intuition. I sat down on the deck and saw someone writing in a journal. My first clue. I grabbed my first paper plate of the evening and started writing. Every person, every song, every moment was all part of the journey. I tuned into it when it felt right, when I was stuck, when I needed outside information. Someone would sit down and tell me exactly what I needed to hear. A song would sing the lyrics to my next line in the story. A bird would make the path of expansion. It all was part of the experience of truth.
We all have the opportunity to expand our minds and our capacity. We have different ideals around what is possible for our lives.