Wild, chaotic, beautiful, calming, destructive, fierce, naked

Three years ago, I read the poem, “a wild woman is not a girlfriend. She is a relationship with nature.” It touched me to the bone. It was so raw and wild. I happened to read that poem again right before entering the jungle and cried. I felt resonance in a way I haven’t before.

I felt what it felt like to be Mother Earth herself. Wild, chaotic, beautiful, calming, destructive, fierce, naked, vulnerable, raw… and what dating Mother Earth feels like. “She is the lover who restores you to your own wild nature.”

Nature is WILD and in the wild, we naturally seek safety and refuge. A sense of home. As I connected to this tree, I felt my roots starting to take shape, my branches getting straighter, my trunk becoming steadier. I felt myself craving deeper roots, a less transient community, an actual home in one place. I felt my motherly instincts emerging. And felt myself transform into a mother, nurturing this baby tree growing inside of me, as I drank its extract. I felt the grounded truth of motherhood, in all of its beauty and sacrifice. For so long I refused to give up my independence. I didn’t want to feel trapped. But suddenly, I felt the power of the mother. The frequency of unconditional love. The feeling of home. And I realized how beautiful it was.

I suddenly felt so much understanding and burning compassion for my own mother. I realized it was time to share the role of taking care of each other, nurturing each other, and teaching each other to live with an open heart. I felt this deep pit in my stomach rising for my dad and I heard his deepest desire speak through the trees. He just wants reassurance that he did a good job. He wants to know that he was a good father and wants to feel like he can relax knowing that I am safe in this world. The tree’s wisdom continued pouring through for hours as I sat there in tears of shock.

The first thing I did when I left the jungle was call my parents and give them their greatest need. I then moved into my dream home in Tulum and felt the frequency of my dreams fully fall into place with such ease. I am SOO grateful.

Thank you Tree. God, I love you.