Updated: Dec 21, 2018
Recently, I heard a wise woman call another woman out for not using "I" but instead using "we" as a society or as a collective and it inspired me to write this from a personal perspective to the best that I could. Here it goes.
I have struggled with trusting myself fully for most of my life. I really have. We all have this voice in our head that is not actually "who" we are. That voice is our mind observing our surroundings and making judgements. It knows only what we feed it. And sometimes it is wrong. How can we trust something that is wrong so often? Well, my mind is not all that I am. My emotions are not all that I am. But intuition is that guiding force that I can’t explain. It is that inner energetic pull towards a certain direction. I have come to realize that I haven’t strengthened that within myself enough. When fear pops up, I immediately reach for structure and control. Naturally I look to put constructs into place to create solid defined security, but that is when I break the trust. So how do I keep strengthening my intuition? There is no one formula. It requires deep inner work and connection to self. I do know that maintaining constant awareness of my emotions, my body, and my desires is essential. Being able to drop into my body, feel my emotions, and consciously feel how my being wants to respond. So I am doing a Vipassana ten-day silent meditation to practice this muscle. I am consciously going inwards to strengthen that bond internally by doing something utterly challenging. Stillness.
And for me, this is quite a challenge. I LOVE to move quickly, I LOVE to do things and experience as much as possible. But for 10 days, i am going inwards. I am getting still. I am taking notice. And I am hanging out with my thoughts and emotions like they are a friend, maybe even an enemy at times. This is supposed to be one of the most profound experiences one can have in life and all it takes is 10 days. 10 days of intense stillness, no thought, nothingness. The nothingness is what gives the being space to create. Wish me luck. ;)