I recently connected with someone who was quite attractive and sweet. I was sort of interested but open to meeting other people. Yet he was all in. Within a few days, he was bringing me flowers, showering me with compliments, and willing to do anything for me, quite literally. It was a lot at once. Yet my desire was to be chosen fully. And it was here, so why wasn’t I interested?
Ever since I arrived in Peru, I’ve been in ceremony. The ceremony of life. It’s part of the energy and culture here. And in ceremony, it’s important to detach from the storyline and look at the lessons coming through.
In this storyline, I felt myself in a reverse role with this guy. Usually I am the one falling for some guy within days, doing dramatically romantic things, willing to give up everything for the connection. Yet I felt how it felt to be on the other side of that. I questioned whether this guy even knew me, questioned why he latched on so quickly, and felt smothered by the overwhelming attention. I was flattered by the gifts, the attention and love, yet I also felt neediness. I slowly started to see my own patterns coming to life. Within moments, I felt myself gain total clarity, felt a massive release and suddenly shift into a new vibration. A new way of being.
I realized how many patterns stemmed from this hopeless romantic state I had been stuck in. I felt mistrusting of my heart, I was scared to express my desires confidently for the fear of being rejected, I over-gave constantly and crossed my own boundaries when giving. And in a single “ceremony”, I released a vibrational spiral that I had gotten used to.
There are a few things I came out of this experience with, along with an entirely new understanding of sovereignty.
How to know if you are anxiously attached? You try to fix men, you attract unavailable men, you chase, you ignore the truth even after they tell you.
This doesn’t have to continue. Honestly, it could all stem from a single point of awareness around one belief you hold.
There are a few ways to come back into harmony with yourself. Ask yourself these questions below.
“Is this coming from wholeness or validation?”
“Am I abandoning myself by doing this?”
“If I believed I was worthy of more, would I be approaching things like this?”
How can you open yourself back up to love that honors you?
What do I need from the other person in this moment? How can I give that to myself?
The universe gives you what you ask for when it is meant for you. If you ask and it doesn’t come, it wasn’t meant for you.