Most of the women on the maternal side of my family throughout the generations have been repressed and co-dependent. My grandmother was in an abusive marriage for 12 years to an alcoholic who gambled their resources away, which made my mom fear financial insecurity and instability. Her basic need was safety and she married a man who gave her total financial security, but also created some co-dependency. I intuitively feared this dependent pattern, although I could never put words to it growing up. I found myself angry with the women in my family. Angry at the situation growing up. Why did they allow this to happen? Why couldn't they stay strong? Will this happen to me?
I feared the feminine energy. I feared being emotionally overtaken. I didn't understand the difference between developed and underdeveloped feminine and so I wrote it off. I stopped trusting my emotions. And effectively, I stopped trusting myself. I put all of my eggs in the logic basket and gained marketable skillsets so I could make decisions based on reasoning. But eventually, i realized that I was running. I was ignoring a large part of my being. I was choosing to view my emotions as temporary and unimportant roadblocks to decision making. I laugh at this now. Emotions are the key to our path forward and the best tool we have to knowing what we truly want. Last year I realized that. I let go of this crazy control I had over my emotions and allow myself to feel. I allowed my emotions to guide me. I listened to myself. I built trust with myself again. And my WHY became stronger than ever.
The mature feminine is NOT weak. The mature feminine is not emotionally unstable. The mature feminine is the key to our soul. The guide to our truth. The most divine way to connect to source energy. And my role in this life is to break the pattern of feminine suppression in my maternal family. To rise the feminine across the world. To help both men and women come home to their truth. This is my WHY. My mission. & my truth.
Breakthrough after breakthrough.